This morning, as my husband was getting ready to leave for work, he got a call from his mother. Apparently his grand aunt, my father-in-law's 90 year old aunt living in distant Mangalore had passed away this morning. Died of heart attack. After a few minutes of discussing this sad and upsetting news with his mother. my husband inquired about his daily poojai - you see, in Hinduism, in the case of death in the family it is custom to stop your daily prayers for a certain number of days. Poojai can go on as usual, was her answer. The reason? This aunt was his paternal grandfather's sister - meaning she was not really "part of the family" as she was married into another family.
This reminded me of something else another friend mentioned to me some months back. She comes from a traditional Chennai based Marwari family. Her mother's sister, who she was very close to, had passed away around the time of the Diwali festival. She told me, sadly and a tad bitterly, how she had been so upset by the loss but had to still get the house festively decorated and ready for the festival, cook sweets and other traditional dishes even though she was mourning and her heart just wasn't into it. In contrast, when her husband's distant relative in Rajasthan - some second or third cousin of her father-in-law had passed on they had to observe a full year of mourning, which meant no celebration of festivals for a year. Her husband hadn't even known this man well, but then they shared the same ancestors through their paternal line, and therefore belonged to the same "family".
This is but just one example of our misogynist customs and traditions. Don't even get me started on the others. Don't get me wrong, I am not a bhakt bashing anti Hindu. I was born a Hindu, and I continue to be one, albeit selectively following it's customs. In some communities, a newly married wife prostrates before her husband during their wedding rituals. The scriptures prescribe a woman to always be under the protection under some man - father, when she's unmarried, husband, post her wedding, son in her later years. Basically only "loose" women are independent.
Most men are happy with the way things are since their life isn't affected anyway with these male dominated customs. But more and more women I know including me are finding it hard to accept these customs without questioning their logic. . If we are going to be rigid with our customs, future generation might not accept it wholeheartedly. With time, change is essential
This reminded me of something else another friend mentioned to me some months back. She comes from a traditional Chennai based Marwari family. Her mother's sister, who she was very close to, had passed away around the time of the Diwali festival. She told me, sadly and a tad bitterly, how she had been so upset by the loss but had to still get the house festively decorated and ready for the festival, cook sweets and other traditional dishes even though she was mourning and her heart just wasn't into it. In contrast, when her husband's distant relative in Rajasthan - some second or third cousin of her father-in-law had passed on they had to observe a full year of mourning, which meant no celebration of festivals for a year. Her husband hadn't even known this man well, but then they shared the same ancestors through their paternal line, and therefore belonged to the same "family".
This is but just one example of our misogynist customs and traditions. Don't even get me started on the others. Don't get me wrong, I am not a bhakt bashing anti Hindu. I was born a Hindu, and I continue to be one, albeit selectively following it's customs. In some communities, a newly married wife prostrates before her husband during their wedding rituals. The scriptures prescribe a woman to always be under the protection under some man - father, when she's unmarried, husband, post her wedding, son in her later years. Basically only "loose" women are independent.
Most men are happy with the way things are since their life isn't affected anyway with these male dominated customs. But more and more women I know including me are finding it hard to accept these customs without questioning their logic. . If we are going to be rigid with our customs, future generation might not accept it wholeheartedly. With time, change is essential
